i so love that I started 2023 with the intention of regular blog posts.  If this program would let me insert a sideways laughing emoji with tears, it would be inserted here!  My reality is i hate being on the computer and doing this type of administrative work (yup, I see this as administrative work).  Always the procrastinator, i can easily drum up an emergency in my life to avoid updating my website (like crisis banana bread baking).  2024 began with the intention to work on an animation to go with my [puhp-it] series.  i did start, and then totally stalled (remember, i hate working on the computer - animation is a lot of computer).  i will start again.  Just illustrating that sitting down to do the hard work is…well…hard.  So i guess i have proven that i do nothing quickly but will guarentee an annual blog post if nothing else (insert: sideways laughing emoji with tears).

Ever since i started this blog it was to be a regular thing.  Okay, i admit failure.  My dream is/was to write.  i draw, but writing is what i really would like to do.  Not because i actually like doing it, this intermittent blog is evidence of that!  Obviously i’m coming to the realization that i really like the “idea” of writing and maybe not so much the writing itself.  Sometimes confronting reality is difficult.  Having that hard conversation with yourself (that stupid internal dialogue) and having the strength to tell that internal part of you that keeps rationalizing to just shut the Fuck up and get on with it.  When i was teaching art, one of the mantras to my students was, “just turn up to the page” - obviously in the context of drawing.  This must hold true for writers too.  i will try to show up to the “page” (in this case the computer).  Let’s hope for a more consistant Blog moving forward (did you see what i did there? “Let’s” that is me and my internal dialogue dancing again!).

In Repose

i’ve missed a year.  Even before 2020 hit i was in, what felt like, a place of stasis.  i was getting tired of my routines and struggling to see where changes could be made…and then a pandemic.  It has been a year of loss on so many fronts, jobs, freedoms and lives.  The period of forced quiet and rest means time to regenerate, take stock and make change.  Change however is hard and sometimes painful, old routines still tug at my coat tails…like a plaintive child.